1. How do I handle a member who is attending several Dgroups?

Clarify their intentions by asking them why they are doing this. It may be possible that the person simply wants to have many mentors, but you can remind them that the goal of a Dgroup is discipleship, which involves commitment and accountability. If this is the case, it is best that they select one group to commit to.

2. How do I handle members who are active with their downline but not with their upline/D12?

Talk to them about the importance of being spiritually fed and their need to be accountable to a discipler. Remind him or her that one cannot pass what one does not have – including spiritual feeding and accountability through a discipleship relationship.

3. If a member expressed the desire to join but rarely joins Dgroup meetings or has never been present for a long time, do we remove them from the Dgroup list? How about members who do not respond anymore?

Don’t be discouraged — sometimes people are in certain seasons in their lives that cause them to act this way, make them busy, or affects their schedules. You cannot control the person’s response, but continue praying for them and show them love when the opportunity arrives. If possible, speak to them heart to heart and ask why they’re having a hard time attending. Be patient with them and treat your members like your children. We simply don’t remove our kids from our family — perhaps the only time you remove them from the list is when they indicate that they want to transfer or leave your group.

4. I’m slowly losing motivation to disciple others who are rejecting invitations. Any tips?

Focus on being a good relative or friend to them. Continue to pray for them regularly. Practice pray, care, share. Be patient and wait for God’s timing. Remember Galatians 6:9-10 — Don’t lose heart, keep doing good! In due time you will reap. Just remember that the goal is not to get someone into your group, but to show them God’s love in action so that the Holy Spirit can work in their hearts.

5. How do I handle members who are constantly promising to attend our Dgroup meeting but are not showing up?

Talk to them. Lovingly tell them that you value truth, honesty, and keeping the word. If the person feels that they cannot commit to attend, then it’s okay to let the person go. You can help them find another Dgroup more suitable for them as well.

6. I’m already a Dleader but I don’t have active members. Sometimes I get busy and lose the drive to disciple, as I’m also facing struggles. What should I do?

Spend time with the Lord regularly. There’s no substitute to real Spiritual growth than immersing oneself in the word. You may want to take a short, personal retreat between you and the Lord to seek His direction for you. Also be transparent to your Dleader about your condition.

1. How do I handle members who are not yet willing to lead even though they have already been attending Dgroup for few years?

Give more time to those who are willing, as it is only fair to “move with the movers.” But keep seeing the reluctant ones for who they can become, not as they are now. Do not despair; continue to cast vision and model servant leadership. Have a heart to heart talk with them and keep praying for them. You may encourage them to attend GoViral and see how simple it is to facilitate a group, or have them co-lead a group until they are confident to handle one of their own.

2. How do I handle a member that I see as a potential leader but says they are unready because they have something to deal with internally first?

Keep on training, encouraging, and building up the person; believe in their potential and continue to cast vision. Be patient, let God work in them and allow the Holy Spirit to stir their heart towards discipling others. Do all possible to know exactly what is going on in the life of that member so you can be of genuine and practical help.

3. One of my members has expressed intention to lead a Dgroup but she is pregnant out of wedlock, with plans to get married because of this. Should I allow her to start a Dgroup?

For the sake of the body of Christ, the person should not be given the responsibility to lead a Dgroup yet. Give her some time to grow and develop in character first. But by all means, encourage her that God uses all sort of imperfect people – including you, her leader – and that the Lord can redeem her situation and use it for His glory.

1. Can I, as a Dgroup Leader, share my challenges to my members, or does it always have to be addressed to my D12/upline?

By all means, do! While we realize that there may be matters that are sensitive and may need to be shared with your upline leader (at least initially, if not exclusively), the leader should generally be open to their disciples and vice versa. Discipleship is not a one-way street – we can learn from both our D12/upline and downlines.

2. What can I talk about with my downline during a one-on-one session to make it more meaningful and not just chatter?

We have a list of accountability questions that can help you have a more meaningful one-on-one with your disciple:

• Do you have regular quiet time with the Lord (Bible reading, meditation, and prayer)?
• How is your relationship with your spouse and children, parents and siblings?
• Are you in a relationship with someone? (For singles)
• Is the person a follower of Jesus Christ?
• Did you share the Gospel last week? Who are you discipling?
• How is your thought life? Have you looked at any questionable material?
• Have you been in a situation where your feelings towards a man/woman became inappropriate?
• How is your financial life? Any debts? Have you been faithfully giving your tithes to the Lord?
• Are there any challenges or struggles in your personal life, family, work, or ministry?

3. How do I respond to my members when they repeatedly call or address me as “Pastor”?

Gently remind them that you are not and that you are all are the same — that you are brothers in Christ.

1. How should I disciple a Christian who is attending another church but wants me to disciple them?

Disciple them as you would any other disciple. Helping others to grow in the Lord is always good! Best of all, challenge that person to teach what he learns about discipleship back at his church so they can also pursue the Great Commission.

2. How do I handle a member who belongs to a certain traditional religion and have expressed that they are not ready to change their religion?

Be patient with them and respect their decision. Constantly teach them God’s word and allow the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts. Most of all, remind them that  what matters is not religion but their need for a personal relationship with the Lord.

3. I have members who are from other churches, and they tend to get bored with our pattern of Dgroup. How do I address this?

The goal of the group is discipleship and transformation, not entertainment. Don’t be pressured to embellish your group meetings, especially if the ones giving feedback may not be in total agreement with the whole idea of small group discipleship.

But for the sake of variety — and for the benefit of the entire group (not just those from other churches), you may have breaks once in a while. Think of ways to make the meeting more fun: have icebreakers, online activities, memory scripture contests, etc.

4. My disciple’s parents don’t want them to participate in a Dgroup because they’re from another Christian church. The church that they attend does not have a discipleship ministry; and their Bible studies are meant for the general congregation, with little accountability and intentionality. My disciple is keen on attending but is conflicted because of this. How do I handle this?

Indeed, children are to obey and honor their parents. For now, pray that God would open the hearts of their parents so they would see the need for discipleship and accountability. If your disciple cannot attend the Dgroup because the parents prohibit them, you can suggest that they ask their parents if they would allow one-on-one with you instead. As you continue to disciple the person, help them build Christ-like influence towards their parents. Hopefully, the changed life of your disciple would make the parents see the importance of discipleship.

1. I have a member who is not able to adapt to a virtual set-up and is more comfortable in sharing in person. How do I respond to them when they want to meet in person instead of online?

You may meet with them in person if you are comfortable with it. While it is good to meet physically, it is important for you to consider the government’s safety protocols and guidelines for meeting physically. This is important since we want to obey our authorities especially during this time of lockdown. Also pray for wisdom as to what is the best thing to do, considering the changing situations in this pandemic.

Try to learn too what makes your member uncomfortable with a virtual set-up. If it’s technical limitations: poor or limited wifi, there are solutions for this; if the member is technically challenged, then perhaps you could teach her the basics.

2. Given our current situation, how will I encourage disciplers in my group who are emotionally tired and seem to have a hard time keeping up with the weekly meetings?

Continue to pray for them, and check in with them personally to find out how they are doing. You may join them once in a while during their Dgroup meeting to encourage them. Zoom fatigue is real, so you can suggest that they hold their Dgroups every other week for a time to create some breathing space, or limit their meetings to 1 ½ hrs to maximize impact and minimize stress.

1. In starting a new group using GoViral thru Zoom, when and how can we be considered an official CCF Dgroup?

Be sensitive to the members before registering the group. If they are regularly watching CCF services and understand that the group is a CCF Dgroup, you may register through smallgroups.ccf.org.ph. But if they are new believers, they may not be comfortable with being considered as a CCF Dgroup member. Help them grow and then get them more connected with CCF over time.

2. I have a group that I consistently meet online during Sunday services and discuss the questions with after. How do I transition them to a Dgroup?

Explain to your Sunday group what a CCF Dgroup is — the purpose and goal of a Dgroup. Let them know you want to continue meeting them in that capacity and if they agree, then register your Dgroup.

3. Is it okay to include live-in partners in a couples Dgroup? How do I handle a member who is living in with his/her partnet?

A couples’ Dgroup would be the best venue to influence unmarried couples to follow God’s design for marriage and for family.

Learn why your member and the partner are not married (is the partner separated from a spouse or divorced). Do they have misconceptions about marriage?

Either way, help your member to know God’s wonderful plan for him/her. And help your member to understand God’s design for marriage based on Scripture. If they are both single, suggest to your member and the partner to undergo pre-marital counseling with one of our Pastors.

It will be best that you privately and lovingly encourage them to make it right with God. Keep following through with them on this matter because it is still a sin issue that needs to be addressed.

1. How do I deal with a leader who is critical, discouraging, and thinks he/she is always right?

It is best to talk to your Dleader directly and lovingly explain to him/her them that you – and possibly some members – are already being hurt by his/her words or actions. If the matter needs to be elevated, do so to your Area Pastor.

1. How do I continue leading when I am struggling with a habitual sin? Am I qualified to lead a group in this state I am in?

None of us is perfect — we all sin. But living a sinful lifestyle and deliberately engaging in sin is a serious matter as you are rebelling against God. Ask God for forgiveness and truly repent. Then sit down with your upline/D12 leader and seek counsel by sharing it with her/him. Your Discipler will guide you through —- if you should continue leading your Dgroup or if you should take a break. It is also best to come clean with your Dgroup and share what you’re going through.

The key to your sin is to FLEE. You can have victory over this. You are not hopeless. God who lives in you gives you the power to say NO. Surrender and yield to Him.

2. I know the importance of being spiritually fed but I feel like I’m not growing because I’m not being discipled properly. The discussions with my D12/upline are shallow, and it’s more focused on attendance rather than growth and transformation. I’m thinking of joining a different group but I don’t know how to proceed.

It is always best, to be honest with your D12/upline leader about how you feel and what you need. Talk to him/her in love and explore options. Find the best solution so you can be helped spiritually. But before talking or meeting with your D12 leader, spend time in prayer and ask for humble and teachable hearts for both of you.

As our pastors always remind us, we are not constrained to stay in the same Dgroup if we are not growing in the group.

Advice for the D12/upline leaders who will be receiving feedback: Please don’t take it as a personal affront. Rather, take it as God’s way for you to become a better and more effective discipler. Be grateful for the feedback and learn from it. Let the disciple join another Dgroup – if necessary – without any ill feelings between you; and if the disciple desires to join your Dgroup again, welcome them with an open heart.

1. How do I handle members who are constantly struggling with the same sin? They know how to say the right thing during Dgroup but then I find out later that they have committed the same sin again.

This can be tricky and frustrating. But if there is clearly no evidence of transformation, you may need to view that person as if he is not yet truly saved. Graciously warn your member that willful sin will have consequences sooner or later. When a person keeps indulging and dealing with the same sin, they may not understand the way God looks at them and how precious they are in His eyes. When God opens their eyes to see how loved they are and how God has given His Son for them, this will change their understanding and cause them to desire to do what God wants them to do. You may want to teach Ephesians 1 and ask them to meditate on it as well.

Don’t judge your disciple but look at him/her with compassion as you would someone who is lost. Listen to their heart as to why they are struggling and help them see how God truly loves them and wants the best for them. Be patient with them as God has been with you, and keep reaching out to them with the love of God.

2. I just started leading a Dgroup and I have a disciple who is having suicidal thoughts every day. How can I approach them effectively?

If people share suicidal thoughts, we need to take it seriously. If you are having difficulty understanding and/or dealing with your disciple, do ask for help from your upline/D12 leader, Area Pastor, or the Pastoral Care Department.

3. I have a member who is in a same sex relationship. How will I tell them to obey God without hurting them?

Speak the truth in love and assure the person that you still love him/her regardless of his/her decision. At the same time, help your member to know Jesus Christ and to see and experience the love and saving grace of God. Transformation comes in intimately knowing Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior; and who we are in Him — being secure in our identity in Jesus. In the end, you need to speak the truth in love. It may end up hurting the other person, but that is beyond your control. It is best for him/her to hear the truth spoken in love. The rest will be up to the work of the Holy Spirit.

4. Is it a sin to feel lonely/loneliness as a Christian?

No, it is not a sin. The Lord Jesus himself was very transparent about his emotions. He got angry, He cried, He got lonely, but He never sinned. He processed His emotions by drawing closer to the Father. We encourage you to do the same. Jesus loves you. He promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

You may also want to practice ‘being in His presence’: try picturing Jesus sitting across the table from you while you work or walking with you.

Matthew 11:28-30 — “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

5. How do I handle a member who is living in with their partner?

Encourage your member to get married in obedience to God’s word and to show their commitment to their partners. Marriage is a picture of Jesus’ relationship with us which is a committed relationship.

6. One of my members is hesitant to do Obedience-Based Bible Study (OBBS) because they are not comfortable in doing it. They think paraphrasing the Bible in your own words is not right. How do I explain in a loving manner?

Assure your member that paraphrasing is simply an exercise in helping a person try to understand what a Bible passage is saying. In the end, you still need to go back to the actual text as a basis. But if the person is still uncomfortable with the process, do not force him/her.