PAdo-05

PARENTING ADOLESCENTS SERIES

Session 5

HOW AN ADULT DECIDES WHAT KIND OF PARENT HE WANTS TO BE

What kind of parent are you?

Bahala ka na sa buhay mo!

Child becomes defiant/distant (Example: Absalom)

Akong bahala sa iyo!

Child becomes spoiled, dependent

Has no concept of consequences of any wrong decisions,

becomes incompetent

Hindi ka puwede magkamali!

Aim high, prove yourself

Example of Miss Perfect student who cut classes once and

sentenced to death

Child becomes compulsive – powder keg, ticking time bomb

concept

BIG IDEA

BE A REFLECTIVE PARENT

How do we become the kind of parents we are now? Most parents do not deliberate on the kind of parent they want to be. Most parents to be non-reflective about their parenting styles. Their way of relating to their kids is determined by internal and external forces, which they are not aware of. Consequently, the parent’s underlying problem in thinking goes unchallenged and the resulting problems in relating go unchanged. This practice of operating non-reflectively as parents with no awareness of what motivates them is the single most important obstacle to becoming effective parents of teenagers.

What does being reflective mean? It is giving thought, careful consideration to our ways. We give attentive consideration to how we think and how we relate.

Prov 20:5 – The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters.

There are always hidden parts to the human personality that

account for the way a person relates to others.

Before we can relate meaningfully, what do we need to do? There is a need to acknowledge painful truths about our sinful ways of relating. We need to understand why we do the things we do. This is called "reflective parenting."

Prov 28:6 – What happens when we decide to trust our own wisdom and

way of doings things? Our own feelings and instinct instead of

God’s Word? We become fools.

Unless God intervenes through his representative, every person will build his life upon sand and end up on the road to destruction. (See Psalm 14:1-3)

GOD’S SPECIAL AGENT – THE PARENT

Why do you think the parent is God’s special intervenor in the life an adolescent?

Prov 22:16 – Train up – midwife who puts her fingers into mouth of baby

to start sucking motion.

A parent is placed by God to influence his child to thirst for a

life of righteousness.

Deut 11:18 – How is a parent to do this? Theyare commanded to teach

our children God’s Word.

Do you attach the same significance that God attaches to certain things? Do you consider academics, athletics, and social popularity more important than what God says about slander, cheating, lying, purity and grumbling?

Parental influence can either challenge or reinforce the foolish tendencies of teen-agers.

GOD’S SPECIAL INSTRUMENT – HIS WORD, THE BIBLE

How does God use His Word to remedy any foolish or evil strategies that our children are taking?

The Word dislodges the foolishness in one’s heart.

Deut 32:46-47 – God’s Word is not an option – it is the key to life.

2 Tim 3:16 - All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching

the truth, for reproof, for correction, for training in

righteousness.

Jer 1:8-10 – We are not to be afraid to speak God’s Word.

GOD’S SPECIAL METHOD: INVOLVEMENT AND RESPONSIVENESS

Unconditional Involvement – We mirror God’s grace, which is not based on

performance.

Unconditional involvement is the commitment to stay relationally involved with your kids no matter what problems you see in them or what situations they get into.
    1. God’s grace - A relationship that will not fail them. As parents, we mirror God’s unconditional love through our unconditional acceptance and love. Our children should not receive our love because of performance.

      2. Rom 5:6-8 – God saved us not based on performance

      Prov 29:15 – Rod and reproof – verbal and physical discipline will give

      wisdom

    2. We introduce our adolescent to the kind of security available to them at any moment in a relationship with Christ.

Kids tend to watch, follow and imitate

the people who are most involved in their lives.

Uncompromising Responsiveness – We mirror God’s justice or righteousness

by responding to how our children think

and behave.

Uncompromising responsiveness is the commitment to do whatever you can to help your kid attach the same significance to their actions as God does.
    1. Parents have the responsibility to respond to the purposes and actions of their children by correcting and encouraging them to be godly.
    2. This helps them recognize, through God’s perspective, the kind of impact their choices are having on their lives.

We provide the teen with a roadmap complete with alarm systems (analogy of going through the jungle, obstacle course with and without a guide).

 

We do this 2 ways:

Prov 22:15 –Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child

Foolishness is not naughtiness or childishness

A "fool" in the Bible is someone who does not know or do

what God says in His Word

A "fool" is pictured as wicked, evil, unrighteous

- "Bound" in his heart - Confined in his heart

What will remove it?

A parent’s discipline and guidance removes the foolish

purposes and strategies of our children by. . .

Revealing – communicating wrong strategies/foolish decisions (example: salvation, premarital sex, lifetime partners) engineer situations.

Redirecting – parents need to redirect/point him to God for guidance, solace, comfort and total sufficiency.

APPLICATION

  1. Have you come to understand what kind of parent you are? Where have you been placing your trust in trying to become an effective parent? If you have been depending on self, you need to confess that and redirect/turn to God for the grace and guidance you need to be a godly parent. Make that commitment now.
  2. Are you using the truth of God’s word to build up your child, or are you using your "human" wisdom?
  3. How have you been doing in the area of unconditional involvement? Do you need to spend time with your teen? How have you been doing in the area of uncompromising responsiveness?
  4. Speak to God in prayer now asking him for the strength, grace and wisdom you need to parent in a godly way.