Our last time together, we began looking at the fact that Bold Love is sacrificial. It is surprising, it unnerves and it costs us something. We have to give up the pretense that life is really good and that we have a certain freedom from living in the middle of the war. We have to give up the presumption that we already love quite well, thank you, and we really don’t need but a little bit of fine-tuning to get ourselves right up to snuff. Once we give up the pretense and realize that we’re right in the middle of a war, we can now ask, "What does it mean to boldly love?"

It means to offer someone a taste of the character of God, that if they were to taste, they would be changed, they would be brought to a point where they could see what they’re doing in relationship with others. And far more they would see something of their real heart before God and others in terms of something of a clenched fist that says, "I’m going to live my life on my own with regard to little concern for others." The fact is that as we love, we disrupt the reality of the cancer inside, but we also entice the heart to become more and more like Jesus Christ.

Well, as we disrupt, as we entice, as we draw forth, we’re in a war, there’s a very legitimate question. The question is, "Why should I fight in this war?" If you’re like me, you’re already maxed out. And if you evaluate your own relationship before God, you know you’re not reading the Scriptures as much as you should, you’re not praying with the depth and the length that you should. The fact is, if you look for the majority of your own Christian life, there’s a great deal of deficiency. And now, someone comes along and says, "What you’re to do is offer your soul for the sake of another human being becoming like Jesus Christ. You’re to sacrifice your own comfort, you’re not to withdraw, you’re not to attack but you’re to engage with a tenderness and with a strength that represents God’s character." There’d be a part of me that says, "No thanks!" Certainly doing this series is no easy task because if I am to say, "Mimic me as I mimic Christ," I am more aware of my deficiencies. And so my question should be, "Why should I bother attempting to move towards others with the desire to love them with this bold love?

At least 2 reasons: I can’t escape the war nor can you. The fact is, all of us are either refugees or warriors. I painted a third option and that was being an observer but no one can remain detached because people will continue to hurt you. And with that hurt, you’ll either be in a position where you attack, contrary to the purposes of God, that’s not love, or you’ll flee, and that is, be a refugee.

You’re in a war; the only question you have really is "How do you want to fight it?" The question is, "Do you really want purpose?" So many people I know so many people I work with in counseling or in friendship don’t have a sense of clear purpose for why they’re living life. In one sense, they go from vacation to the next, one desire for a new possession to the next. And that’s not sufficient reason to exist.

A lot of people lack not just a sense of purpose as well, but a real sense of passion for life. Really, the only passion is to remain without passion and that kind of "passionless-ness" doesn’t represent the kind of joy or sorrow that God intends for us in the context of living in a fallen world. So if you want purpose, and if you want passion, then your heart will be engaged in this task of bold love.

Well, if that’s the "why", another question then is, "all right, perhaps you’ve convinced me that I need to be engaged in this war, but I don’t really feel up to the war. People hurt me, I do withdraw, people hurt me, I do attack. So how am I to be different? What’s to be different about my heart?" Remember that we talked about the external and internal war. What’s to be different in the internal world, in my heart, in order to fight the external war with greater purpose and greater passion?

We’re about to look at a vignette, a dramatic interaction. And then we’ll critique it. Begin thinking about ways in which Buck the protagonist could have dealt with his world more effectively. We won’t concentrate primarily on what he should have done different. We’ll talk about his "failure to love". But let me start with a very important point, and that is, I hope you hear my mood as I critique Buck. There’s a mood of "looking at myself" as much as I am looking at him.

There are 3 things I want to underscore about Buck.

I may seem too harsh but Buck is a coward. Notice at one point at the beginning of their interaction with Belinda, his mother, that Belinda says directly, "You’re saying I’m a bad mother?" We’re not talking about what Buck could have said that would have offered a real taste of God’s character, but we’re very clear that he did not back off.

And he said, "Well, I’m not saying that, I’m not saying anything." Well, indeed he was saying nothing. But he was saying everything in terms of he was really backing away from a very powerful point of conflict. In doing so, he did his mother significant harm. Again, not describing yet what he could have done, we do know that in withdrawing, his heart was not present for her. Eventually, there was a point where Belinda softened when she realized her son had been drinking and had denied realities inside of him. She said, "I tried to keep an eye on you. Why didn’t you come to me? That was the first point where I saw Belinda soften. It was at that point Buck’s fury got even stronger in terms of a certain something inside that said, "I’m not only going to back away, but now I’m going to hurt you."

That there’s certain meanness in Buck, you might say, given how he’s being mistreated, that’s justified. Yet, on the other side, you know that doesn’t comprehend the love of God for his mother who’s sinning against him. Now the point where he softened and brought up the fact. "Well, that’s why I threw up in the toilet!" He was wiping her face in her sin rather than having a heart that’s willing to engage with her sin but not to attack. There was a certain meanness as well as he brought up the fact, "that’s why you eat!" and that’s why Belinda blew up. And it was at that point where they were "attack to attack".

Probably the clearest place where Buck not only was a coward but also had certain meanness was when he brought up Terry. It’s clear he was bringing up Terry as sort of dangling fact that someone else knows about you, Mom. Someone knows you’ve harmed me and others. And Belinda responds to the fact that it’s none of Terry’s business. Whether that’s true or not, the point is there was something mean in Buck as he brought that up.

To me, Buck at least stayed engaged in the process. And he brings up a very specific point where he saw his father and mother interact. And you can see that’s another point where Belinda gets very soft, where she’s been seen. And there’s something in Buck for his mom, Some pain he has felt, some agony he feels for her. But where I see the hardness is, he didn’t let her know that he hurts for her, he didn’t have a heart that said, "Mom, I saw you shamed, I saw you put down by Dad and let me tell you what I felt." There is something that indicated he really deeply struggles for his mother’s sake. Its common for all of us when we’re sinned against to be cowards, to be mean, and to have parts of us that just hardens and will not engage.

The question we’re dealing with in this session is, "How are we to move to the point where our hearts are moved not to be cowardlike, to not be hard, to not be mean?

I think we’re given a clue to what it means to have that internal war moving in the right direction.

The comment that the Lord made in Luke 7:47 – He is dining with the Pharisee, probably an elegant meal, and a woman of the world who is called a "known sinner" which is a very clear illusion to the fact that she was a prostitute, came broke into the world of that dinner, knelt at the Lord’s feet, wiped his feet with her hair and her tears. And what the Lord said in contrast to the Pharisee who had his life all together compared to the known sinner. What he said to Simon the Pharisee is this, "He, who is forgiven little, loves little." Underscore that! It’s almost an excellent formula. If you turn it around the other side as well, "He who is forgiven much loves much."

If you want a heart that is willing to engage in this rather enormous and unique battle of bold love, you will not enter into it – that is the external war – without something being won in your heart with regards to the internal war. You will not love well unless you’re overwhelmed to some degree by the love of God. How do we come to that point? We come to that point where we’re overwhelmed by the goodness of the gospel.

2 Key Words:

We will not be overwhelmed to be aware of how deeply we are forgiven and therefore led to love even more until we are really silenced in the midst of our own sin. The fact is I am fairly a verbal person. I am a fairly bright person and I use my verbal qualities. I use my intelligence to try and outmaneuver people, problems, frankly in most cases, God Himself. I don’t want to be caught, I don’t want to be seen. The realities in my heart about how I fail, I don’t want any one to know. I don’ t want to be silenced. I am a frenetic man who is very active and busy. I leave a trail of dust so you won’t be able to catch me or see me. That’s not a silent man.

God silenced Isaiah by showing Isaiah his glory, to the point where Isaiah said; "I am an undone man". Silenced Job in the midst of a whirlwind, to the point where Job said, "I’ve heard of you. Now, I’ve seen you and I despise myself." Well, did he despise his character, his essence, and his dignity? No, the reality of the cancer within him that said, "I’ve got a voice and God is going to hear it". As long as we feel we’ve got a right to address God with, "Why did you let my son die? Or "Why did you let my husband divorce me?" If there is a sort of a mood of "I have a right to have an audience" and when I finally speak to you God, you will listen and you explain why you have done these things in my life." As long as that is the "noise" inside of you, your heart will never be silenced. Therefore, your heart will never be overwhelmed by the reality of sin. And then you will never be caught up by forgiveness and led to love with a mercy that you have first been given. I don’t know if there is anything I despise more than being silenced.

A few years back, I was skiing with my oldest daughter. She is a good skier but at one time we were on a slope. It was very steep and she could have handled it if she had confidence in herself. But as she approached the slope she got scared and started skiing with old techniques that were frankly dangerous. I started yelling at her and she yelled back. I yelled more and finally we got to a point where we in a verbal brawl and finally I just screamed at her and said, "If you don’t ski with me, I will leave you and you will have to catch up!"

I was cruel and she looked at me, tears welled up in her eyes and she looked at me and she said, "Why do you hate me?" I didn’t hate her. I just wanted her to ski better. And I knew she could ski to a far better level than what she was doing. But she silenced me because what she said was absolutely true. At that point, I was shamed by her; I hated her, and she better ski the way I think she ought to ski.

To be silenced is to see who you are in the light of the "effect" of you have on another human being. And with the light to be to see what could be but what you are not.

That happened a few years ago, and I’d love to say that was one of the major events of being silenced. But there have been countless events. And that is very important point to hear. That if you want to be overwhelmed by forgiveness, then you have a heart that is willing to be silenced time and again.

Just like about a week ago, in our office, we were going through a restructuring financially where we’re attempting to apportion the payment of our office facility and staff according to who was using what. And it became very clear that I am utilizing more of our office staff than anyone else in our staff. And therefore, I had to pay more and I was not real happy. And my response to the women who really runs our office, Susan was "Well, maybe if you didn’t eat lunch as long, may we wouldn’t have to end up to pay as much." It was a flippant, rash remark. I really didn’t mean much by it at all but without a great deal of question, I harmed her, and I hurt her.

Within a few days, she came back and said, "you made remark on how often and how long I am gone for lunch. Do you have concerns about my work?" At that point, I kind of came to grips with the reality of having to pay more in my office. I said, "No, no, no. That’s not a concern at all." She said, "You brought out some concerns, I just want to follow through with them." And I said, "No, no problem at all." She said, "Do you have any idea what its like when you make rash remarks that I know you mean as humor but really do sting?"

My response was not good. My response to her at that point was to say, "Well, I didn’t realize you were that sensitive." Well, it was an offense upon an offense. And her response was not to back away. And in her eyes, there was not hatred, there was kindness and she said, "I don’t think you have any idea of the impact you tend to have when you make remarks like that." We interacted for a few minutes and she was clear what it s like to work for me. I thought we were done. I wished we were done. Because I had some hardness in my heart, certain defensiveness. I was gracious at least, so I thought.

At one point she looked at me and said, "I wonder what it is like for you to know when you harm someone that that’s so different from the man that you want to be. " She couldn’t have struck a scalpel any deeper in my heart because in a very simple phrase what she said was, "You failed badly but I know you don’t want to."

In one sense, she opened the door to the reality of sin. On the other hand she opened the second major word I want to use. If you’re silenced, deep change will occur if you are surprised by what you get when you anticipate rejection, but what you find is a taste of the mercy of the gospel. My daughter on the slope did not hate me. She wondered why I hated her. Susan didn’t hate me, but she knew I’d harmed her.

Part of the great surprise of the gospel is that what we get, we don’t deserve. What we deserve is judgement. What we get is the response of the father to the prodigal. Incomprehensible! What the son deserved was being shamed, being made a mockery of, being rejected. What was the father’s response but to run, to embrace, to shower with love.

That is the surprising work of the gospel is that it draws you in to see what you never wanted to see but when you see it the response is not one of pointing a finger but one of open arms. Until you’re overwhelmed by the gospel you will not boldly love.

But let’s assume for a moment your heart is touched by the reality of the cancer within you. And even more surprised by the response of the surgeon to embrace, to hold, to celebrate, to rejoice over you, then one can presume that there will be at least a small a mustard seed desire to want to offer what you have been first offered in which case then what does it actually like to boldly love? That will be our focus on our next time together.