BOLD LOVE
Session 2
WHAT LOVE ISN’T
Discussion / Handout
BIG IDEA
LOVE IS STAYING ENGAGED.
IT IS NOT "WITHDRAWING" OR "ATTACKING"
Review of our last lesson:
What are some key learning we remember from our last lesson?
- Love is war because it is not easy. It is not natural (Rom 7:21)
- Sin blocks us from loving well. (Mark 7:21-22)
- We need the Holy Spirit to change.
- To love boldly, we need to be a "warrior" – a person committed to engage for the purpose of seeing others change as well as one’s self being changed in the process of love (Gal 5:13-16, 1 Cor 13:1-7)
- Bold love means to learn to love with God’s character, out of his holiness
(1 Pet 1:16) and mercy in situations that require us to be instruments of change in ourselves and in others. (1 John 4:19, Heb 10:24)
What are some possible reasons why we experience worsening of our relationships?
We believe that the growth of many spiritual lives is hampered because of our inability or refusal to handle strained and painful relationships. As a result, we lash out angrily at someone, unconsciously harbor resentment against someone, develop the initial stages of bitterness… or see the beginnings of rage in our silent inner self.
This series is designed to teach us how to love within the tension of a strained relationship with the goal of drawing closer to God. This can only be done if we are willing to boldly move towards others under the guidelines of God’s character, goodness and mercy.
RUN TAPE
Lesson 2 talks about "What Love Isn’t".
LOVE ISN’T:
- Withdrawing (Hebrews 12:15)
- Attacking (1 Peter 3:9)
WHAT IS BOLD LOVE?
It is:
- Realizing that we really love poorly.
- Sacrificial because it refuses to withdraw or attack. It stays engaged. We pay the cost of being involved with someone for that person’s good.
- Surprising because it does not give what is expected. It offers strength and tenderness, wrath and life.
- Reflecting the character of God in the way we deal with others.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE REFUSE TO ENTER INTO BOLD LOVE?
We will lose a:
- Deep sense of integrity
- Real sense of purpose.
We experience a great sense of loss to ourselves and to others. We lose our sense of integrity and purpose. We miss out on what God can do to change those and us around us.
Word of Caution:
In this series, we will be exhorted time and again to look at ourselves as God ‘s instruments to draw out the cancer (sin) in another person’s lives. Three important areas of caution must be given:
- We must make sure that our own cancer (sin) is being dealt with. The worst thing to do is to apply these principles of bold love to further our selfish goals. Before we point out the speck, let us make sure that our eyes are free from the logs/beams (Matthew 7:3-5)
- In applying these principles of change, we must always remember that we are to reflect something of God’s character, His goodness and mercy.
(John 15:8-12). We must be careful of our style (to include tone of voice, manner of speaking, facial signs, and most of all the right attitude of the heart.)
- God is still the sovereign Being. No matter how brilliantly we apply these principles in the most creative fashion, if we don’t depend on the Holy Spirit, we cannot expect much success. Prayer and communing with God on the painful issues are a must! There is no substitute for our knees on the ground and our hearts lifted up in prayer to God for change.
In order to have the right attitude; we need to agree on some ground rules before we can exercise bold love.
- God is sovereign. When we are in a painful situation (degrees will vary, of course) on account of someone, we need to remember the principle that God is sovereign. This means that He is allowing the situation to happen in our lives. This does not mean that he is a helpless God who can do nothing better than pity or sympathize with us. No! He is a sovereign God with as much power as needed to end our pain! But he allows it for a purpose … which brings us to our second point.
- God is purposeful. God does not do things or allow things for no reason. God is a purposeful God. In a relationship there are at least 2 persons involved and one of them is you. If God is a purposeful God, then I must try to understand what God’s purpose is in allowing the pain in the relationships to continue. This means being honest with God about myself. Good questions to ask are:
- Why am I in pain?
- What am I longing for? (Do I desperately need acceptance?)
- Is this longing idolatrous (in the sense that I put a higher priority on it than to long for God?)
- What character flaw is God trying to change in me?
After going through this process, a third principle is vital. We need to remember that:
- God is good. We need to remember that God is love! If He is sovereign in that He allows pain in our lives, if He is purposeful in that He allows pain in our lives for a purpose, then we must know that He is love in whatever He allows because He cannot go against His nature to love us.
Then and only then can we begin to practice bold love.