The day that I allowed Jesus Christ to take full control of my life and died to myself – was the day I started truly to live.
Before I came to know Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior, my 24 years of existence was a total mess – without purpose and meaning other than to glorify myself and to prove to everyone that I was in control.
I started to learn the art of controlling my life when I was still a child. I was a prodigal daughter and self-centered sister. As a result, I would always want to get what I want and do things my way. My parents’ and guardians’ supervision did not work since I had the mindset that things will work just as I wanted them to be.
In school, I regarded myself higher than anyone else, which caused me to manipulate my friends and schoolmates. I gossiped about those whom I know will not compare to my academic standing and envied those who got higher grades and more awards. I always wanted to be the cream of the crop and the teachers’ favorite. This lasted until I graduated being an achiever and my heart was so proud.
After graduating, I was employed in a multinational company. Being an employee brought me to a new dimension I never knew before – that a lot of people are better than me, more powerful than me and had control over the things that I do. I developed the habit of pulling down my officemates by gossiping. I also became an alcoholic to the point that I organize weekly night outs, parties and drinking sessions. I loved doing those temporal pleasures because through those things I felt I had control over people and situations.
I can also say that I am the expert in the area of relationship and how to control such. I had three serious relationships with only weeks’ intervals. I jumped from one relationship to another because I felt that it will make me complete. My 6-year relationship with my then fiancé was the best for me but the worst in God’s eyes. The worldly and sinful fleshly acts led me to live with him abroad at the age of 23.
Everything has been all about me – my plans, my wants, my selfish desires and my sinful lifestyle. It was then, during the peak of my career abroad and my near-to-perfection wedding plan and preparation, that God broke me in order to humble me
God met me in 2009 when I went back to the Philippines. He showed me that I was not in control. Within a quarter, I experienced death in the family, my near-death experience with dengue, my family’s first-hand experience with the Ondoy flood and to top them all, my dream wedding was called off.
After several weeks of grieving, I fell down on my knees and realized for the first time that God was all that I had. I started attending Sunday services in CCF and joined a discipleship group. I was doing all these “activities” just so I can forget all my pains and have an outlet where I can pour out all my rants.
Never did I realize that this was God’s way of molding me into the person He wants me to be. Through the penetrating and transforming power of God’s Word and unwavering prayers of my D-group, I learned to die to myself each day and surrender each area of my life, moment by moment.
As Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, God makes everything beautiful in His time. He is never one second late, because at the moment that I was about to give up my life, my God raised me and picked me up. When I thought I deserved nothing but unforgiveness, my God has shown His mercy to me. Whenever I found myself disqualified to relate to the Father, I am always reminded that because of Jesus Christ, I have the privilege of relating to the Father as He does.
My relationship with my family and friends now has meaning beyond description. I was led back to the same department in my former company to be a living testimony that indeed God is real and He does change people. If before I cannot wait to meet new bar friends, I now am thrilled to meet Christians whom I can spend hours just delighting in how God has been working in our lives. The famous gossiper I once was has now been empowered by the Holy Spirit to proclaim the gospel. The regular night outs and drinking sessions where I was once the organizer has now been transformed into regular Bible study meetings and D-group fellowships. I am also humbled to be serving God through CCF Eastwood Ushering Ministry where I can be a channel of His love and I am experiencing an unimaginable joy in discipling ladies whom God entrusted to me.
If before I had full control over everything, I can now humbly yet confidently claim that God’s perfect plan for me will prevail. I have no part but to surrender to His plan.
Please partner with me as I pray that the LORD’s will be done and I will take joy in doing and being part of it. To Jesus Christ, my Lord, Savior and Lover of my soul be all the glory and praise and honor now and forever.
Want to share what God has done to your life? Share it to us! Email it to info@ccf.org.ph
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