I am Boy, a believer of Jesus Christ. I struggle with low self-esteem and drug addiction. My journey through recovery is a painful, bittersweet story of what God can do to someone who has lost hope and made a mess out of his life.
Unlike others who get into drugs, I had no excuse. My family provided me with all I needed for success. I was educated in exclusive schools here and abroad. I was the only son in five children, well-loved by my family. There was really no reason for me to throw my life away.
It started innocently enough. First, I tried alcohol. Getting drunk seemed macho and fun to do. Maybe there was a need in me to impress and be accepted by my peers, because my father and I lacked the right father-son relationship. As a police officer, my father disciplined me with harsh words and a heavy hand. Maybe this was how he best knew to raise up a son.
But what I know was I enjoyed the company of my barkada (circle/clique). With them, I learned to smoke marijuana. Unlike with alcohol, I enjoyed the high from marijuana. And from there, I experimented with other drugs like cough syrups and whatever drug was in at the time. It did not really bother me that these were illegal; in fact, that made it more attractive and exciting.
At first, taking drugs was my recreation. It did not affect my life, or so I believed. But later on, my studies were interrupted. I got kicked out of U.P. Engineering, and my growing drug habit and involvement with fraternities made me lose my scholarship.
Eventually, I finished my engineering degree at an American university. But then came my drug of choice, shabu, which further destroyed my life. My addiction slowly went from bad to worse, into a living nightmare.
Because of the changes in my personality and behavior, my secret was known not only to my family but also to the entire neighborhood. I learned to cheat, lie and steal from my family to support my drug habit. I sold just about anything that was of value. My life was centered on getting and using drugs.
I thought the life of drugs was a big adventure, but I was exposed to the evils and gutters of society. I spent my time in the company of drug addicts, pushers, and corrupt policemen.
In order to save me from my destructive and insane lifestyle, my family time and again committed me to different rehabilitation centers in the hope that these would help me change. But instead, my time in rehab was used to widen my network in the drug world. As soon as I got out, I went to drugs again.
When I met my wife, I decided to stop taking drugs. I desired a new life and a family of my own. We started to live together, started our own business, and had a relatively quiet life. I was content.
But after a few years, our relationship became messy. We were always fighting, so we decided to separate. Things started to unravel – I lost my business, and my mother, who was my emotional and financial security, had a stroke. I was totally devastated.
Not knowing what to do, I became bitter and returned to drugs with a vengeance. I became heavily involved in drugs and was in the company of notorious individuals. Drugs seemed to null the pain and temporarily fill in the void. The lifestyle gave me thrills and a way to vent my anger and frustrations.
I was angry with God for allowing these things to happen to my life. He knew I loved my wife. I thought that I was good enough for staying out of drugs while we were together.
I found myself back in rehab. While I was there, a volunteer from Precious Hope regularly visited and encouraged me, and he told me the good news about Jesus.
As a young boy, I had been taught about Jesus and His death on the cross, but I did not know what it was to have a personal relationship with Him. It was during this time of sharing in rehab that I received Jesus into my heart as my Savior and the Lord of my life. I felt relieved of my burdens, and I had peace in my heart.
After my confinement, I decided to attend a recovery program. But again, I stumbled. Along the way, I discovered that my wife had left for Japan and started a new family there. I was totally devastated and driven back to drugs. I became very destructive and suicidal.
But God is faithful. He did not allow me to fall into destruction and death. With the help of my mentor’s testimony, I became aware that I was not alone in my misery. I realized that we shared similar pains and hurts. This allowed me to stand up again and move on, but not that far ahead.
As I continued to feel the pain of my separation, I could not help but fall back into drug use. But this time, it was different. The high that I was expecting was replaced by the guilt and shame of betraying my Savior. It dawned on me: truly, Jesus went through all that suffering and agony to free me from my drug habit. I knew that in order to truly repent, I had to admit the wrong I had done to God, myself, and my family.
I knew that telling my family that I had taken drugs meant a return to the rehab center for a longer period of time and a loss of whatever rights I had. But I knew also that to truly repent, I had to be willing to suffer the consequences of my sin, to confess and make amends, and to ask for forgiveness.
To my surprise, and by God’s mercy, my family decided not to return me to rehab. Instead, I was allowed to return home with my two sons, whom I had neglected all this time.
Little by little, I began to know God more and more. I started going regularly to Bible studies and worship services. With my sponsor’s example and gentle prodding and guidance, I volunteered to be a facilitator in the Glorious Hope Recovery Program. By just being available for God’s work, and by going through the program myself, I was able to help myself and others.
Now I understand that God not only delivered me from my addiction, but He also desires that I be transformed, to become more like Christ. I surrendered all my pains and frustrations to His care and control.
By God’s grace, I have been clean and sober for the past five years. God restored my broken family relationships one by one. They now have no reservations towards me. Two of my sisters and my brother-in-law are now believers in Jesus Christ. My father also accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior before he died.
Almost all that I have lost has been restored. I was also able to pay for my car, acquire property, and provide for my sons’ future. It is just as Jesus said: “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all things shall be added to you.”
Now, my wife and I are communicating, and she has returned to the country with her children from her other relationship. God is still doing many things in my life; I am his work in progress. I know by His word in Romans 8:22, “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.” I also hold to Philippians 1:6, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
I have been so thankful for what seem like countless blessings every day. I am especially thankful for the privilege to be part of Glorious Hope and to witness so many changed lives.
To God be all the glory and honor.
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