Arrogant, boastful, carefree, dishonest, conceited, and insecure. That was me—Blanche Monserrate, born 53 years ago.
Since my father was a military, transferring from one province to another had been a routine for us. We had no permanent address; I had no permanent school and friends.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family, where there was no peace, no joy, no love. My parents would normally fight and my siblings and I would usually do the same. I could not remember a single instance when my parents intentionally mentored and guided me as I was growing. Most of all, I could not remember us going to church as a family.
My life during college days was in total disarray. lived in a dormitory, away from my parents. At last, I was free. I joined a popular dance group and I enjoyed being seen on TV even if I am just one of the back-up dancers. We performed in 5-star hotels and even went overseas for shows. But this did not last long.
I then decided to look for a job and landed in one of the best hotels along manila bay. My friends and I went out to parties, drank, and smoked. It was the best part of my life, I then thought. I had pre-marital sex and got pregnant. The man married me. But deep inside me, I hated not being able to do what I wanted to do.
Ironically, what I dreaded in my youth was what I have become to my husband and to my children. My husband and I were fighting frequently, and my kids ended up growing in almost the same environment as I did.
The trials that I went through were weighing down on me. I went through depression and the thought of committing suicide had always been at the back of my mind.
It was in 2002 that I felt a nagging and unbearable emotional pain inside me. I was jobless, and was searching for peace, love, and happiness. I was alone, crying uncontrollably, searching for a number through which I can speak with just anybody. I ended up calling CCF and spoke to a lady who invited me to attend CCF’s Sunday service.
I brought my husband and my kids with me. I was invited to be part of a cell-group. Eventually, I attended an encounter held in Fontana. There I accepted the Lord and was baptized. However, things didn’t work out for me. I back-slid and withdrew from cuff for months.
Then I felt empty again and went back to worship. I was alone this time. I was led to sign up and join a small group. It was different this time. I felt accepted and loved.
August 1, 2006 – I was at home watching an old comedy movie. I laughed so hard in one of the scenes and then suddenly blood came out of me. There was no pain but the bleeding was incessant. I had myself confined in the hospital in august 5 to know what was wrong with me. D & c was done (in Tagalog it’s raps) and I was discharged 2 days after.
But even after that, the ob-gyne still could not tell me what the cause of the bleeding was, so she referred me to an oncologist. After checking me up, the doctor relayed the terrible news. I have cervical cancer.
My husband remained calm while the doctor was explaining. I was not crying then but as I closed my eyes, I thought to me, “ok, this is the end of my life.” but God impressed these words in my heart: “you of little faith! You are precious to me, you’re mine and only I can tell when your life will end. Hold on to my promises, have faith.” I felt his hands reaching for me. Sorrow naturally came but God replaced it with joy.
After we left the clinic, I called a sister-in-Christ and asked her to pray for me and to inform our group about my situation. My husband and I sought for second opinion. Finally, I went to a doctor who took a look at my CT-scan and confirmed that I have stage 3b advance cervical cancer and that my survival rate is only 25%.
All preparations were done that day for a radical chemo-therapy and external radiation of my pelvic area before proceeding to brachytherapy. That day I just dedicated myself to God and never stopped praying.
I knew that I could have only been reaping the consequences of my former lifestyle. At the same time, I acknowledged that God allowed this for a purpose.
Still, so many things were coming to my mind that I got depressed. My children were crying that night after informing them about my condition. It was the first time I saw my husband crying, too. But it was also the first time that we prayed together as a family.
My spiritual family has been praying for me, day in and day out. We stormed the gates of heaven with our prayers. I felt the love of a family that I have been looking for since I was a little girl. They would visit me at home, sacrificing their time just to be with me.
Such is the blessing of being part of a small group. They have been there with me from the very beginning up to this day, not asking anything in return but even giving out more than they can afford.
How we managed to survive in terms of finances was a miracle. We were able to pay all our bills on time. God’s provision is always on time and always sufficient. Help came when we needed it the most. It was then that I learned to let go and let God.
After my treatment in 2006, I never missed my follow up with my doctor for the next five years. But during my last check-up, my doctor said, “You’re okay, it is cleared.” My cervix was smooth and there were no signs of recurrence. Praise God! I knew that it is the lord who is at work in my situation. He has healed me totally! Truly, God is in control of everything.
My life was designed by God with a unique purpose in mind. And I surrender to his purposes. I had been jobless but God gave me a small business that I can make use of in sharing the gospel.
I am still a work in progress and I do not know what my future will be but I know his plans are better than mine.
And even as I stand in front of you now, I recognize that my life is still not devoid of trials and pain. But I can rejoice because by God’s grace, I firmly hold on to his promise that he will never leave me nor forsake me.
To all of you who do not belong to a small group, I encourage you to be part of one now. It is where I have experienced God’s love and comfort in action, even though imperfect vessels.
The seeds has been planted in my husband’s and eldest son’s hearts…my youngest daughter accepted Jesus Christ a long time ago, and I am looking forward to that day when we will come to cuff to worship God as one happy family!
Jesus, you are my healer, my savior, my lover, my best friend! To him is all the glory! God bless us all!
Live
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