Anna: His Great Love Restores Me

I am Anna Villanueva and this is God’s story in my life.

Growing up, I knew my family life was different. When I was five, my mom was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson’s Disease, one of the first cases in the Philippines, and her condition made my parents become distant towards one another. Mom felt the need to constantly prove her worth, while dad became short-tempered and increasingly frustrated with mom’s condition. I developed anger towards my dad because I found his temper unreasonable; while, I grew impatient towards mom as her sickness became a heavy burden on us.

Because life at home wasn’t perfect, I created the life that I believed I deserved. I became responsible and independent at a young age. I had good grades, never broke my curfew and seldom asked my parents for extra allowance. I was considered the “good girl” in the family, and I used this to my advantage. Because of my clean track record, my parents gave me more trust and freedom, which in turn, fed my ego and led me to believe that I could be in complete control of my life.

In college, I got into my dream university and took up my dream course. I was a Dean’s Lister and a student athlete, had great friends, and a budding relationship with my first boyfriend. I found security in other people and in my achievements. Life was a constant popularity contest. I enjoyed putting other people down and always compared myself with others. I was consumed with the idea that other people thought highly of me.

After graduation, I felt like I hit the jackpot when I landed my dream job. I was hired as Producer-in-Training by the company that I had always wanted to work for. I thought I had it all.

In July of 2007, however, the perfect life that I had worked so hard to achieve started to crumble. The show that I was producing for went off the air, and I was left jobless. Also, my boyfriend of 6 years found a job in the States and we were faced with the dilemma of how to make a long-distance relationship work. I felt so lost. For the first time, I was not in complete control of my life.

A month later, my sister invited me to the anniversary of a Bible Study called Thursday Night Devotion or TND. I went because of my sister’s persistence but that evening turned out to be one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. People around me were singing out loud, jumping up and down, and lifting their hands up to God. I thought it was a cult! But at the same time, I found myself moved to tears by the songs and the message. Sadly, my pride and ego took over again and I simply brushed off the experience as just one of those emotional moments.

I spent the rest of that year spiraling down into deep sadness. Unemployed, I had to swallow my pride and turn to my parents for financial support. I felt I had disappointed them. I also fell into immorality as I made compromises to hold on to my relationship with my boyfriend who was leaving for Miami. I was lost and didn’t know where to turn to for direction and meaning in my life.

One night in February 2008, I broke down in my sister’s room and told her how I felt so empty and hopeless inside. She prayed for me and told me I needed Jesus in my life. I did not know it then, but that night was the beginning of my relationship with my Lord and Savior.

Shortly after, I attended TND again and to my surprise, my sister shared her testimony that evening. Although I had been seeing a difference in her since she became a Christian in 2006, it was the first time I heard about how God transformed her. I knew right there and then that I wanted the same for myself. That night, when the Gospel was shared, I sincerely prayed for Jesus to take over my life.

I continued to attend TND and also found a discipler and a DGroup, where I discovered the value of accountability and what it means to belong to God’s family. God also led me to end my long distance relationship with my boyfriend, which allowed me to focus more on Him, my one, true love.

My desire to control my life was slowly replaced by the recognition that only God’s plans are always much better than mine. I remember getting down on my knees to pray for provisions and a clear career direction. More than a year after I started praying for a fulltime job, God blessed me with a job in a leading broadcasting company.

God also began to change how I spoke. I stopped cursing and the habit of exaggerating stories. Instead of gossiping and putting others down, God has given me the desire to share His love by building others up.

God also helped me deal with my anger and bitterness towards my parents. Alhough my relationship with them is a work in progress, I am now sincerely respectful and understanding of them. I also genuinely enjoy spending time with them.

Jeremiah 31:3-4 says “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel. Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful.”

I have come to realize that it is because of His great love that God finds great joy in restoring me. My feelings of being lost and confused, helpless and hopeless have been replaced with real joy and unshakable peace. He has assured me that I no longer have to base my security and identity on my achievements and relationships. He has made it clear that I am defined by the fact that I am His child— completely and dearly loved.

To God, who has, and continues to give me hope, love and life be all the glory, honor and praise, forever!