Since I was a young girl, I believed that time is the best way to show love. However in my family, I did not feel that. My parents gave me everything I needed materially, but what I needed from them was their time and attention.
At the age of 9 my world suddenly turned around the way I never expected. My mom’s business had financial problems and I learned that my dad had another family aside from us and they hid this all from me. Being the youngest in the family and daddy’s little girl it was hard for me to accept all of it. I became bitter towards my dad and my mom and blamed them for everything that has been happening in our family. As a result, I rebelled and became very disobedient.
To fill the love and attention I was looking for, I tried to find it from other people and through other means. I became a bully at our school, picking on the younger ones just to please others. I tried to fill in the emptiness and forget about the bitterness that I felt towards my parents. When I stepped into high school I was the typical high school girl who dreamed to be popular, a varsity member and a person others would be afraid to mess with.
I was part of the popular barkada who bullied the lower batches whenever they didn’t step aside when we’re passing by. However, I was still incomplete. I still didn’t feel the love I was looking for. My barkada only loved the person they wanted me to be, not who I really am.
In 2007, I attended my first JZONE camp entitled 24/7. Here, I came to realize the perfect love Jesus showed to us. I then accepted Christ and got baptized. However, my main reason for getting baptized was because I wanted to fit in and be accepted. After the retreat, I still didn’t take my relationship with Jesus seriously. I thought to myself, if my earthly parents can’t love me, how much more our Heavenly Father?
Since I was still searching for love and acceptance, I tried to fill the emptiness by being involved in a romantic relationship with a guy who doesn’t love the Lord. At first I felt loved and accepted. I kept it from my parents knowing that they would disapprove of it. I stumbled and lost track in my relationship with God and focused on the romantic relationship that I was in.
After almost a year, I attended another Jzone retreat entitled EUREKA. Here, God opened my heart again and I renewed my commitment to Him. This time, I did it because I learned that His love is all that I need. Part of my commitment was to let go of my relationship with the guy. It was not easy because he gave me the love I never felt from my family.
Another part of my commitment, which I believe was the most difficult, was to forgive my parents and also to ask forgiveness from them. It was hard for me because I was proud and I believed that my rebellion is their fault, anyway. But God reminded me in Ephesians 6: 1-2, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise. Also, God reminded me that if I disobey or disrespect my parents it is the same as disobeying and disrespecting Him.
I asked God to help me humble myself and asked for forgiveness. And I did. Because of that my dad who didn’t go to CCF is now regularly attending CCF and he is active in his ministry. God worked miraculously in my dad’s life that eventually it affected our entire family. Now my family and I regularly attend CCF worship together. Before we would only bond as a family during birthdays now we have our family bonding every day.
God’s Word is true that obeying and honoring our parents come with a promise. I am now open with my parents and share things about school and my personal life. My dad and I still have misunderstandings but I am learning to just apologize and submit to whatever my dad tells me to do. With my mom, I no longer blame her for the things that has happened in our family.
I realized that it was part of God’s plan to shake our family and use it to bring us closer to Him. My parents will never be perfect but I no longer dwell on their imperfections. I also no longer listen to the devil’s lies that my parents do not love me. I now know that they discipline me and protect me because they love me. It is true that when you love God everything else will follow and will fall in the right place.
My name is Alitha Penales, an imperfect daughter rescued by a compassionate and gracious Heavenly Father. To the one and only lover of my soul be the honor and glory forever.
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