In our family, our father was considered the ultimate authority. What he says goes and one cannot answer back or reason out. If you want to make an appeal, you go to the 2nd in command, the mother, and hope for the best. It was not a problem when we were young, but when I started to attend high school, I felt choked because of my father’s authority. I noticed that my friends’ families were different; they were more liberal and they were having fun.
Whenever I was at home I would feel like I’m missing out on the joy of life that my friends were experiencing, so I would always use props like notebooks, group projects, assignments and sports to be able to go out with my friends. Eventually, I became a father myself and followed the ways of my father, being overly controlling at home as I thought, that was how I could command respect and obedience. I also thought my responsibility was to provide for them and send them to a good school and everything will be okay. I did not realize that they were going through the same experience I had which made them become fearful of me.
Through a series of events, I came to attend CCF Bible Studies and there I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. I realized how sinful was and thanked God for dying on the cross for all of my sins. As I was growing in the Lord, I felt strongly that my family should also learn what I have learned about Jesus. Because of my strong desire for them to learn I taught them, but my teaching style was also strong.
I would force them to attend Sunday School, Worship and Bible Studies. But they were really never attentive and nothing was happening in their lives. Eventually, I brought it up with my Dgroup for prayers and they gave me biblical insights and prayed for my situation. Everyday, I would go down on my knees and pray for all of my kids. But I realized that God really wanted to change me first.
Upon my Pastor’s advice, I gathered my kids around and asked them how I can be a better father. I said I will not speak and I will not defend myself and I just want to listen to learn. There were a few minutes of silence but they began to speak slowly, almost whispering, about how they feel. They said I was always suspecting that they were doing something wrong and I never trusted them. I would be angry unreasonably at times, and I do not always do what I say.
It was a difficult situation because in my mind I thought they were wrong, I was tempted to defend myself but I just kept quiet and listened. I said sorry and asked for forgiveness for those things they’ve mentioned about me and promised to be a better father. After that time, we all learned to say sorry to each other and ask for forgiveness. And things began to get better.
Hi good morning. My name is Poms and I am the 3rd of 6 siblings in the Almeda family. I grew up in a traditional Filipino family setup wherein my dad was always out making a living while my mom stayed at home to attend to our needs. My earliest memories of my father would involve him normally going home smelling like alcohol, and if he ever was at home, he was asleep most of the time. Over the years, as I was growing up, I developed a fear towards my dad. He used to shout at us out of anger and there were times when I would lie just so he won’t get mad at me. I have also witnessed numerous fights he had with my mom.
When I was 13, we learned about my dad’s newfound faith. But during that time, it became more like a burden to us. One day, my mom found out that my dad brought me and one of my older brothers to a three-day summer camp without even telling her. This led to a big fight which ended with their separation.
My mom asked him to leave the house, so he did, but he brought all of us with him. I thought it was going to be a temporary arrangement, but when I saw a truck bringing all our furniture to the place we were then staying, I was hurt and became mad at my dad. I felt that he was forcing his belief on us and that if my mom didn’t abide by what he wants, she will be left on her own. It’s like whatever we feel didn’t matter at all to him.
He didn’t allow us to visit our mom for two months, but he eventually allowed us to have a weekly schedule. We spent the weekends with my mom while we stayed with my dad during weekdays. He would try to teach us about the Bible but the way he did it sounded like he was scolding us, so we never really got excited about Bible Studies.
When I was 16, I left my dad’s house to move in with my mom without his permission. When he found out, he threatened me saying my life will be ruined if I lived with my mom. I became nervous and uncomfortable whenever he was around. I felt like he was always there to guard my every move and I became rebellious and selfish because I thought I deserved to be happy. I came to realize that if you have anger and bitterness in your heart towards a person, everything he says and do will always be negative even though he means it for good. I was just so blinded due to the bitterness I had in my heart that I did not recognize his efforts to help me. But in spite of how disrespectful and disobedient I was with my dad, he didn’t give up on me. He was always there whenever I needed him.
Whenever I had my asthma attacks, he would bring me to the emergency room since I cannot sleep because I had a hard time breathing. One time, on our way home from the hospital, he saw that I fell asleep in the car, so he drove me all over Makati in the middle of the night to make sure I could get enough sleep.
I remember waking with the sun up with the engine still running but already parked in our garage. But the greatest thing I am thankful to the Lord for is how my dad brought me to Christ so I could understand how I needed Him in my life and how he died for all my sins. My dad showed me through his life how he loves the Lord and I also longed to have the same love relationship with God as well. There was a time when, because of my rebellious ways, my life became a mess and I had a very serious problem.
To my surprise my dad came and the first thing he did was to embrace me. I will never forget what he told me. With tears in his eyes he said, “Anak, there is nothing you can do to make me not love you. I will always be there for you. Don’t worry; everything will be alright because God is good.”
Slowly all these memories came flashing back with a different impact in my life. I started sharing them to my friends, and from there, I became curious of what had happened in my dad’s life. I used to attend Sunday worship to please my dad, but as time passed, I would feel so at peace and even had a longing to learn more. There were times when some of my friends would share with me their problems and I would find myself giving advice with my dad as an example.
Another amazing thing that happened is, before whenever I would talk to my mom about my dad, I would feel the grudge she had with him, but now, she would tell me stories like when she called my dad to say thank you for bringing us up right and that she would call him for advice as well. She even mentioned recently that she is considering going back to my dad. By God’s grace, it is never too late to fix a relationship.
Even now that I have a family of my own, my dad never ceases to make me feel loved. I find myself calling him for advice when I have a problem. He would text me that he is praying for me. I am now so much closer and open to my dad and we enjoy each other’s company. I want to share the same love my dad gave me to my kids. I know that the changes in his life was only through God’s grace and I also know that my relationship with my dad is still a work in progress but I thank the Lord for what he had already done.
When one rules over men in righteousness, when he rules in the fear of God, he is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning like the brightness after rain that brings grass from the earth. Is not my house right with God? Has he not made with me an everlasting covenant? Arrange and secured in every part? Will he not bring to fruition my salvation? And grant me my every desire?
2 Samuel 23:3-5
I praise God that in spite of my life, God gave me His grace to experience His faithfulness. He turned my life around to become a better father to my children after I surrendered to be changed and molded by Him. To Christ be all the glory, honor and praise.
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